"That's Just How He Is..." Is BS

Most workplaces have that person who loses their temper when the pressure hits. And you typically hear the predictable line that follows:

“That’s just how he is.”

“That’s just her style.”

That is BS.

When emotional outbursts go unchecked, they shape the culture, slow the pace of work, and complicates decisions that should be straightforward. It can also derail your career if you happen to be the one having these outbursts.

Repeated outbursts are behavior, not personality. Personality is the set of traits someone carries across situations. Outbursts are something different. They’re a reaction pattern that is usually unexamined, and unmanaged. If the person learned how to regulate, the “personality” would disappear.

Here is the reality.

1. Emotional intelligence is a skill that people can learn and strengthen. An outburst isn’t who someone is. It’s a pattern they’ve never been taught to manage. When the pattern changes, the behavior changes. The person doesn’t lose their identity; they lose the habit that was causing the damage.

2. The impact grows with responsibility. When someone is responsible for people, their behavior doesn’t stay contained. It influences how others operate, how decisions get made, and how the progress is made. The higher the role, the wider the reach, and often the more pressure.

3. It affects career trajectory. People who stay composed when things get tense make better decisions and are better at maintaining strong relationships. Thus, they are typically trusted with more responsibility.

4. Avoiding the issue is building your culture. Avoiding the issue isn’t keeping the peace. It’s signaling what’s acceptable. And if emotional outbursts are acceptable, the organization will move slower, make poorer decisions, and tolerate behavior that drags down performance.

What To Do

1. Make the person aware, regardless of level. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Nothing changes until the person understands the impact of their behavior.

2. Use assessments if they help. Some people need objective data before they believe there’s an issue. If an assessment helps them see the pattern, use it.

3. If they’re receptive, coach them. The goal is to help them slow down enough to see what’s happening in the moment. When they learn to pause before their emotions get away from them, they get a chance to choose a different response. They won’t get it right every time. When they slip, coach through it. That’s how the new habit takes hold. Use an outside coach if it will be more effective.

4. If they’re not receptive, part ways, no matter what their results look like. Keeping someone who refuses to manage their impact is choosing to let a problem grow inside the organization. Leaders who don't address these issues become the real problem.

Bottom Line

“That’s just how he is” is an excuse. People can learn to regulate themselves. Organizations that address this build cultures that move faster, decide better, and perform stronger. If you want a high functioning organization, stop normalizing behavior that breaks it.