Lessons From the Barn: Meet People Where They Are

Like most folks, I started learning to ride horses on the steadfast lesson horse.  Lesson typically horses have a few things in common.  They forgive mistakes, they have “more whoa than go,” they are calmer, and not easy to rile or spook.  All of this makes them great for beginners.  It also often means they are dull and take a bit more effort to get going.  Some of this is their nature and some of it is learned.  After years of beginners inadvertently or incorrectly cueing them, they come to ignore those cues that they think are mistakes or aren’t real.

As one becomes a better rider, they typically get moved to different types of horses, depending on what they need to learn.  (The horses, in addition to the instructor, are the teachers!)  For instance, after years of learning on a typical lesson horse, and having to work harder to cue them, I needed to learn to soften my cues.  That meant putting me on a more sensitive horse.  The first time I sat on that horse and cued for what I intended to be an easy, large turn, I found myself immediately sitting 180 degrees from where I started. I had over cued.  Lesson learned- be softer in my cues.

I’ve long since graduated from that horse and am now riding my own horse.  He is a Thoroughbred/Quarter Horse cross (an Appendix).  Thoroughbreds are known to be highly sensitive (to cues, to your tension, your mindset, flies, etc) and he is about 7/8 Thoroughbred, so definitely the more sensitive type.  But there are some days where he

is downright mellow and needs a little more effort than usual to get going.  On those days, I need to be a bit more active with my aids and keep him engaged in what we are doing. We do a change up what we are doing in the ride to keep him from getting lackadaisical about the work.

Other days, he is up, up, up.  On the up days - whether it’s because it’s a bit windy, he’s got a lot of energy, there’s a crisp chill in the air, or he’s just bored and wants to entertain himself - his head is up, he’s looking around, giving buckets or fence rails that have been there for years the hairy eyeball as if they are an existential threat.  Same horse – completely different day. On those days, I work to keep my aids soft and keep his mind engaged.  We do more difficult maneuvers like lateral work that require him to think more about what we are doing than what is going on outside of the arena.  On these days, it’s critical that I stay calm so that he doesn’t think that I am worried that that bucket may kill us (an invitation to spook at it).

What the heck does any of this have to do with leading people? Just like horses, people respond less to intent and more to how, when, and where they’re being asked.

No two people are alike.  And while people may lean one way or the other, no one shows up exactly the same way every day.  Leaders need to adapt their communications and approach not only to suit the individual person, but to also understand where that individual is at that time. 

Some folks are very task focused and don’t want to deal with small talk.  You can literally see it in their eyes when the small talk goes on too long.  Others are the complete opposite, and if you are paying attention, you will feel their vibe change, if you go straight to the day’s tasks, without asking about their family.  But even with those tendencies, the right approach can change depending on what that person is carrying that day.

I once got a call from a leader who was very unhappy with me.  We had just lost a great candidate, and he felt that I hadn’t done enough to sell the compensation package when I presented the offer.  It was about 15 minutes of stern one way conversation about the things I didn’t do and what I should have done.  It was one of those conversations where trying to explain my actions would only make things worse, so I listened for a bit, and then let him vent. Then he asked how my mom was doing.  I had gotten news literally about an hour before his call that results from one of her medical tests was not good.  He immediately softened, understanding now where my mindset had been when he called.  I am normally pretty task focused and don’t need a ton of small talk.  However, if he (knowing that my mom was having some medical issues) had asked about her first, then delivered the feedback, he could have tailored that message in a way that landed more effectively than it did. The feedback wasn’t wrong – but the order and the timing were.  A small adjustment in approach would have changed how that message landed.

You can never know everything that is going on with every employee, and you don’t want to become friends with a direct report.  But you do need to know enough to understand where they are, mentally and emotionally. I encourage all leaders to do a daily walk through of the production floor, checking in on the team and just asking how they are doing that day.  No work. No tasks.  Just how are you. It does three things – it lets them know they are more than a cog in the wheel.  It also gives you an idea of where they are that day, which then gives you an opportunity to adapt your approach to be more effective. This creates stronger relationships, higher trust, and increased effort from your team. Adaptive leadership isn’t about having perfect information – it’s about asking just enough to meet people where they are.